To Snap

Like a rubber band pulled too taut
the snap is brief and mostly painless
She could feel the desperation
once overwhelming her system
flow out of her like a rushing river
Replaced with ice
chilling her to the bone
As her fragile grip
on that instinctual struggle for survival
lessen
with each passing second
Dwindling away to nothingness

On Depression

I have lived with depression most of my life. It’s not something I like to admit and to be honest, this is something I have been deeply ashamed of for most of my life. After all, what is so wrong with my life that I can’t just find the joy in it?

I can’t actually remember a time where I didn’t feel like something was wrong with me. There have been ups and downs throughout the years, but they were mostly downs if I’m being honest with myself. I have whole years missing that I cannot remember for the life of me. And I’m not talking about early childhood years that most of us can only remember vague things. I’m talking about recent times, like three or four years ago. It’s all just a grey haze of nothingness. For years, I suffered in silence, my few attempts at reaching out for help were futile. It got to the point where I was going to do something stupid.

There is a reason why I’m bringing all of this up, so I’ll get right to the point. I was given some of the best advice I hope I can incorporate into my life: You don’t have to accept it. You don’t have to just give into the depression and accept that this is the ‘normal’ for you. You deserve to experience happiness. You deserve to exist. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

I’m with you.